I've always labelled myself as a 'hopeless romantic' and until recently even I was fooled by this motion. Lately, however, I've found that at the mention of romance and those soppy couples that are all blissed up they can't see out their eyes any more I find that I have an undeniable urge to roll my eyes and walk in the other direction.
Or better yet, maybe we should start talking about that gory zombie flick that is on at the cinemas.
I'd laugh if it wasn't so true and if i didn't find it so ridiculously disturbing.
I believe it comes from one of two things. Firstly, and more likely, it is the natural defense mechanism of my brain and my heart in response to failed (and difficult) relationships and the now pending possible separation of my parents. Its like an animal with a automatic defense mechanism to flee, or shot venom, instead I just place ridiculous notions inside of my head, to then find myself later frustrated at my thought process and wondering why all of a sudden I have a million complicated and negative thoughts about my current relationships.
Second reason, i don't believe in love (insert the scoff here! If I didn't believe in it I doubt i'd find the need and want to write about it, as well as talk about it, excessively)
Perhaps, we all need to go through a stage in which we can't believe in the fairytale and then prince charming (haha!) comes along and proves to us that it is real. Or, perhaps I've begun living in the real world where I can logically see that fairies aren't real and prince charming doesn't scoot around in a horse drawn carriage and demand my love in front of thousands of adoring fans. I am not doubting that these events happen (okay, maybe not the fairies... unless you are having a really big night) and that there are moments that live up to the ridiculous hollywood produced fairytale relationship we all seem to use as a measuring scale. I guess I have learnt and accept that these are few... and far far far between.
For the rest of us 'normal' folks who are living with two feet firmly planted on the ground we become happy with relationships with amazing partners who piss us off and don't kiss us the way we want to be kissed, but we love them madly anyway and they make us happy (even without the fairies and horse drawn carriage!)
Tuesday, May 31
Sunday, May 29
Lets see how this goes.
Tonight marks the beginning of my blogging journey, take two.
Of course, i am not going to lie. My interest is sparked again by the need to discuss, without an end in sight, males who I just cannot understand. I felt I should give my poor girlfriends a break as I am sure they are sick of hearing the same mundane questions of Why & How. So to save my friendships, and to possibly claim some clarity myself, here goes.
Do you think it is true that we are attracted to those who are wrong for us? Bad for us? Like a drug or an addiction to lollies. Perhaps the first comparison is a bit harsh and the second a bit lenient but I am sure you can understand my idea. We seem to fall for these boys (and again, I say boys because I am not sure that they have grown into men yet) who, time and time again, shit on us and yet we cannot go a minute without imagining how perfect they could be. If only they did 'x' different....right?
Perhaps I am the only one and perhaps it is my own sick addiction.
I was speaking to my uncle tonight (setting the scene, he is 40+ & single) who was telling me about an experience he was having on 'oasis' (an internet dating site) with a female who was appalled at his living situation. He then continued on to tell me that women today are expecting to find the 'perfect' male and that such a thing is a myth.
So who is wrong here. Do we (as women) expect to much from men, or do they just not want to step into the shoes of being someones partner.
Perhaps some of us single women do expect to much of our potential partners. I know that I have seen time and time again women who expect men to be mind readers, men to be as emotional as them, men to enjoy watching mind numbing romantic comedies to then walk out of it and start speaking of a long term commitment with the girl they've been dating for approximately 4 weeks (don't lie girls, we've all been here). I know that I have been one of these women who has the unrealistic expectations that boys are just girls (with dangley bits). I like to think today I am more well informed on men, and can maybe understand them a little bit better. Perhaps understand is not the right word here... perhaps I can understand what I read about men a little bit better.
Therefore I pose this question. As a women who understands that men need to have man time, they need to enter their emotional cave, they need to sometimes smell and scratch and fart while watching football on tv and yelling obscene unnecessary comments, how do I still find men that can't live up to my expectations. By expectations I mean all you have to do is show up when you say you are going to show up (ill even understand if sometimes I can't be your number one priority), and when you are with me show me that you want to be there. That is all I ask, i really do not need much and yet I still attract men who are not capable of such commitment.
I am not just talking about one boy either. I wish that this was just some vent over the current male who has placed me into this situation (Yep, you guessed it though - he is real) but I am referring to my last four relationships with men. Four. Over the last three years I have met four boys who have done the exact same thing. After the first one I walk away much more quickly now, each time with a broken heart. I am thinking they are all the same boy just with a different body shape.
Is it me? Is it my expectations? Am i just addicted to the things that are wrong for me. Or perhaps am I looking at this wrong and what is wrong for me is actually right for me and Ive just got to work out how it is right for me without being wrong.
But if it is right, why does it feel so wrong?
& yet, why will it feel so wrong to walk away from this new 'boy' tomorrow because he is #4.
Of course, i am not going to lie. My interest is sparked again by the need to discuss, without an end in sight, males who I just cannot understand. I felt I should give my poor girlfriends a break as I am sure they are sick of hearing the same mundane questions of Why & How. So to save my friendships, and to possibly claim some clarity myself, here goes.
Do you think it is true that we are attracted to those who are wrong for us? Bad for us? Like a drug or an addiction to lollies. Perhaps the first comparison is a bit harsh and the second a bit lenient but I am sure you can understand my idea. We seem to fall for these boys (and again, I say boys because I am not sure that they have grown into men yet) who, time and time again, shit on us and yet we cannot go a minute without imagining how perfect they could be. If only they did 'x' different....right?
Perhaps I am the only one and perhaps it is my own sick addiction.
I was speaking to my uncle tonight (setting the scene, he is 40+ & single) who was telling me about an experience he was having on 'oasis' (an internet dating site) with a female who was appalled at his living situation. He then continued on to tell me that women today are expecting to find the 'perfect' male and that such a thing is a myth.
So who is wrong here. Do we (as women) expect to much from men, or do they just not want to step into the shoes of being someones partner.
Perhaps some of us single women do expect to much of our potential partners. I know that I have seen time and time again women who expect men to be mind readers, men to be as emotional as them, men to enjoy watching mind numbing romantic comedies to then walk out of it and start speaking of a long term commitment with the girl they've been dating for approximately 4 weeks (don't lie girls, we've all been here). I know that I have been one of these women who has the unrealistic expectations that boys are just girls (with dangley bits). I like to think today I am more well informed on men, and can maybe understand them a little bit better. Perhaps understand is not the right word here... perhaps I can understand what I read about men a little bit better.
Therefore I pose this question. As a women who understands that men need to have man time, they need to enter their emotional cave, they need to sometimes smell and scratch and fart while watching football on tv and yelling obscene unnecessary comments, how do I still find men that can't live up to my expectations. By expectations I mean all you have to do is show up when you say you are going to show up (ill even understand if sometimes I can't be your number one priority), and when you are with me show me that you want to be there. That is all I ask, i really do not need much and yet I still attract men who are not capable of such commitment.
I am not just talking about one boy either. I wish that this was just some vent over the current male who has placed me into this situation (Yep, you guessed it though - he is real) but I am referring to my last four relationships with men. Four. Over the last three years I have met four boys who have done the exact same thing. After the first one I walk away much more quickly now, each time with a broken heart. I am thinking they are all the same boy just with a different body shape.
Is it me? Is it my expectations? Am i just addicted to the things that are wrong for me. Or perhaps am I looking at this wrong and what is wrong for me is actually right for me and Ive just got to work out how it is right for me without being wrong.
But if it is right, why does it feel so wrong?
& yet, why will it feel so wrong to walk away from this new 'boy' tomorrow because he is #4.
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