Expect the worst, save the hurt

Im going to be honest. I hopped on here today wanting to write about my desire for honest communication in all my relationships and blah blah blah, more more more. I am not saying that the above fact isn't true anymore, it is. It is also something that has been playing on my mind a lot recently and I wish that I could find a way to make others see the importance of that to me. However, i've begun to write on the above topic three times now, written and deleted, re-written and deleted, and a third time DELETED. Why? I wish that I could give you a valid reason for the fact my brain can't focus, my stomach feels sick and my heart feels heavy. but I can't. All I can say is one thing. 

Yep, you guessed it. Boys!! 

Don't fear, nothing major has happened. I don't think. Or maybe it has? Whatever the reason, it isn't worth 'blogging' about, not yet anyway. But my reaction to it I feel holds some substance. It amazes me how, in a world that is going smoothly, all it takes is one minute factor to send us into turmoil. Is this part of being female and being hormonal. Do boys experience the same thing? I do really wonder. So today, like I said nothing has actually happen. My brain has interpreted a very minor, minor thing to became a very major problem. Logically, I can't make sense of my reaction. But as one of my girlfriends once told me 'when it comes to the heart, there is no logic.' This one small factor in an otherwise perfect day has honestly made me feel like I need to vomit, sleep and cry the day away. I keep trying to settle my insides down with words of encouragement. I am over reacting. There is nothing wrong. Stop being silly (not so encouraging) but for some unknown reason I have made up my mind and that which is wrong is wrong and there is absolutely no arguing about this fact. Blah! 

Is this what they call women's intuition? That sick in the gut, stab in my heart feeling you get over something minute? If that is the case, how can I possible no from something so small that something so major is going to come from it? I have had one experience of womens intuition which I would happily claim to be that, I am not sure this is in the same league. If it isn't, please explain!? 

Do we have this reaction to try and prevent ourselves from being hurt. Do we forge pain in an event so that if we are to actually be hurt, we were hurt in the first place and not expecting happiness? Does that even make sense? It sounds like the largest loud of dodginess I have ever heard. But I think it is what we do? We expect the worst to save ourselves from pain. In reality, by doing this, we have pain leading up to finding out the worst (or not so worst) is going to happen. Therefore, we end up with a longer amount of pain. & if the 'thing' isn't bad at all we've gotten ourselves worked up into a frenzy of sickness for nothing.

BUT. On the other hand, I was talking to a girlfriend the other day. We had lunch during which we blissfully discussed the men in our lives and how much we 'liked' them. After lunch we have coffee, during which she receives a text message in which he called her a 'buddy' name rather than a 'lovers' name. That was the flick of the switch. She was in that gut-wrenching, you should have just stabbed me in the eye, state. On the outside of the situation I thought 'its only a word'. Turns out that one word was the indicator to the end of the relationship. Or atleast, a pull away from him at this particular point in time. So maybe that 'feeling' is an intuition of some sort. Or perhaps because we react as though one word means the end of everything we guide ourselves down that path subconsciously. Because it is better to end it now before I really get hurt, right?!

WRONG.BULLSHIT! You like him now, if you didn't you wouldn't feel the need to make up these ridiculous  stories in our heads to save ourselves from the pain. We women are complex creatures. No wonder boys can't work us out.

Bloody men.