Not understanding someone else's fast heartbeat.

I am sure we have all been in this position I am about to explain but I feel it necessary to set the scene anyway. Imagine; you've just had a fight with your partner. For this example we will say its been a reoccurring fight that does leave you feeling rather unwanted and disheartened in your situation. Due to your hurt and regardless of how small it may have been in retrospect, you've sort out a girlfriend to cry to and declare you've been hurt 'one to many times' and wont do it anymore. In reality, regardless of the extremities of such rants we've had with our girlfriends what we say during these times are not necessarily true. Or they may be true for that moment  of passion without your loved one in front of you with his famous baby blue eyes asking for forgiveness. So we spend hours with our girlfriend, crying & ranting, and working out step by step our next plan of attack to rid of this 'loser who doesn't treat us right' to then walk away and straight back into the arms of our lover. Trust me, its easy to forgive those eyes! 

Next meeting with the girlfriend we cringe a little inside when they ask us how our confrontation with our loved one went. 'Did you finally tell that bastard where to go?!' Nervously, we explain no. We spoke, we sorted things out and we've made up. How often do our girlfriends then encouragingly tell us that is amazing, and how wonderful that we should put in the hard yards to build a loving and solid relationship. Or, how often do they encourage by saying 'not every relationship can be smooth sailing all the time. You are both only human and will have your ups and downs.' Or, how often do we just keep feeling guilty for not following the plan of attack and still having our lover at home when we climb into bed.

Perhaps this is just me. Perhaps it isn't my girlfriends but my own innate guilt. I don't think it is, but i'm not ruling it out as a possibility. 

However, assuming that my assumption is correct I ask the question. Why are people not supportive when we work things out with our loved ones? I can understand that they just want what is best for us, or they worry that we are too close to a situation that we can't see the warning signs but at the end of it all, isn't this our own lives? Why do we feel the need to follow the rash advice from a girlfriend, rather than the words from our own hearts. I do wonder how many fights or break-ups have been 'girlfriend advice' assisted. I also wonder, how much of the advice we give as girlfriends are more a projection from our own relationship mishaps rather than the problem set in front of our friend. 

I met with amazing girlfriends of mine tonight for the first time since my 'ending' conversation with my Mr Four. Very predictably myself and Mr Four are still going strong so when my girlfriends got there with the gleam in their eyes knowing i'd have some sort of story to tell them I felt myself shrink (yes, shrink). I knew i'd just become another girl who whinges about the 'boy' and then comes back the next week to say everything is okay.

But the thing is, regardless of what my girlfriends think (and yes it was voiced that perhaps I am to close to the situation to see the mistakes I am making) they dont feel deep inside the way this boy makes me feel. They don't feel the butterflies I experience when I see his name come up on my phone, or the antsy little pacing I feel like doing when I know he is only minutes away from my house. Their lips don't curl up into involuntary smiles when I think about sweet little things he has done or said, and their heart doesn't beat faster when they think about the tiny chuckle he lets out when he finds something heartwarming. I am not saying I am in love with this guy, because I'm not. I am still just getting to know him. But I do think these feelings are that close to fireworks that I am about to start writing my own love story.

I am not saying because of this we will be together forever. I am not denying that he sometimes does the wrong things by me and does cause me the pain that I need to talk to my girlfriends about. I am not disregarding the fact that he is human, male and sometimes selfish. But while I am expected to recognise his bad 'traits' and the way they make me feel, i'd like to also place acknowledgement on these good aspects and the tiny things he does that make me feel so.... amazing (he would laugh if he saw me write that). I want to question why an argument must mean the end. Why cannot not just be viewed as a bump in the road? A bump that builds us higher? 

So, to all the girlfriends out there who make our cement judgement from the tears our girlfriends shed over selfish males remember:

When a girlfriend cries she needs you to wipe her tears.

When a girlfriends needs to work through anger she needs you to help her make sense of it.

But when a girlfriends chooses to forgive, forget and move on she needs your full support, regardless of your opinion.

It isn't your life. You are only there for support