The week that failed.

Not everything in life is easy. Sometimes life is very, very hard.
My favourite saying, 'No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.' I love it so much I am tempted to get it tattooed onto my body.
But it is true, no one said it would be easy. If it was easy my guess is you aren't pushing yourself hard enough. You aren't risking enough... all in all, you aren't living enough. And if its not worth it then the same sentiments apply. Added however with a huge What the F*** are you doing then?!

This week saw me ending two of the major things in my life. Not because they weren't amazing but just because it wasn't the right time.
Have you ever walked away from something that could equal the description of perfect if timing wasn't an issue. Have you ever done it twice in one week?

Let me give you the heads up. It sucks, majorly!

I walked away from the boy. Not because he wasn't amazing and not because he didn't make my heart skip a beat with a twitch of his lips. Not because he didn't like me and not because things weren't going well. I ended them because right now I need more from him then he is able to give. You see, I am in a complicated and hard place in my own life. He is also in a complicated and hard place in his life. We both need our respective 'other' to be patient, kind and selfless. I am sure you can see how these two things just don't go together. Not well anyway.

So we walk away. That was a hard decision. The right one but a bloody painful one.
See you later perfect guy.

Situation two. The most amazing, beautiful, loyal well behaved puppy that both me and my daughter cherish and adore who we simple cant keep. Why? Firstly, I don't have the money. I am struggling! Hugely!! More then hugely. I know that I will be until I finish uni and can begin teaching.  It is a sacrifice I have made for my career, to be broke for 5 years. I guess that also means sacrificing my beautiful, beloved pet. Reason number 2. I don't have the emotions, I don't have the hands, I don't have the time. I can't handle so much responsibility. I hate the fact that I cant but at the end of the day I am not superwoman.
I have my limitations. I didn't realise it for a long time, i thought I was invincible but they are definitely there and definitely prominent in my life.

I have to accept my limitations. Trying to push against them is like hitting my head against a brick wall. I can't change the fact that I am on my own with my daughter which means I need more then just a casual relationship. So that is the price of parenthood, I can do that. I can't change the fact I don't have the money for living with a dog. I can't change the facts of my life.