The prediction on life.

We all imagine we know where we are going to end up in life.
And when we don't get there we imagine how we are going to handle that situation.

But I never imagined being here. Doing this... alone.
& even when I begun doing it I never imagined just how hard and complicated this life was going to become.

I've been known to face hard times well (however that seems to work). We get faced with hard times and for some reason I am blessed with the ability to get up, handle, fight through with strength and wisdom and a confidence in myself and life.

You ask me a question, I know a good answer.
You give me a problem, I have a positive outlook.

Like I said, I am blessed.

Give me the option that my daughter might be ill and im not quite sure where that positive reassurance has gone. Add to it the possibility not everything is okay with me and my walls are positively crumbling. And while my world crumbles I struggle to hear someone whispers those positive words to me. In fact, I just don't think anyone is saying them.

It is not that I don't understand that those I love and have supported in the past are busy in life - yeah. I get that.
It's not that I can't see their view point, the everything is going to be okay, you are over reacting view point people so quickly take upon themselves to see. I get that. It is what people do.
It's not that I don't get why people react the way they do, but what I don't get it how if I can sit here, in the midst of the confusion and doubt and see there side of the story and with that why can't they see mine.
Why, when they are only on the outside.
Why, when I go to them and tell them I am struggling.
Why do people think ignoring it is going to help?

Life is complicated. We think we know where we are going to end up in life and how we are going to there. But what we don't understand is what we (and others) are going to do when life sends you down the tricky paths again and again.

Life is not easy. It is the hardest thing you'll ever do.

I've once heard that your first 'heart break' will be the hardest thing you've ever experienced. I don't doubt that it is hard. I remember those endless nights that kept going and going. The nights where 2am drinks of milks and cigarettes were a unbreakable habit. The nights that never ended until 4am and the days that always begun again at 8. I thought that was the be all and end all. But that is nothing.

Nothing compared to the thought of my daughter hurting. Nothing compared to me not knowing what is going on with her. Nothing compared to no one believing me when I say it is more then what they are predicting. Nothing compared to being alone.

Life is complicated. I don't think it gets easier with time.